So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
True strength comes from lack of pants
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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