The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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