Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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