I smell stomach acid.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
