I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Congratulations! We have a period
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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