pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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