i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
