You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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