what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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