i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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