Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize