He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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