I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Alive.
So much puke
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
