Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize