I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
