Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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