porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
