I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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