I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
