I got chris browned last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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