I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
