so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize