well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
