She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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