and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
