i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
