how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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