i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
