Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
