I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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