Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
