Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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