i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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