it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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