...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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