Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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