Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
