will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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