I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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