you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize