Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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