Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
