Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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