Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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