Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my liver is dry heaving
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
