she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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