All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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