i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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