We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
