the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
