I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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