Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
