hell yes lets make some ravioli
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
