Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
try to milk me bitch
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