Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
