its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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