just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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