For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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