the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
