So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
