I got chris browned last night
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
