Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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